The Drink Cart: Art of Cruisentology
The only newsletter that walks into the bar like it owns the place, orders a pint and tells the bartender to take a message if the wife calls set to a great 1980's laugh track.
Dear marketing fans, Tom Cruise fan club members, beer commercial lovers and those full on sprinting into Cannes next month.
It took everything in my body not to use the title, “The Need for Leads” for this week’s newsletter (Hoping that will come in handy for a Top Gun 3 movie). But I’m here to talk about something deeper. Wilder. Holier.
The idea of Cruisentology just made more sense.
Now, you’re probably wondering: what is Tom Cruise doing in an ad newsletter? Great question. Beside the hair and the running? You’re right, from my my exhaustive research (read: vibes, a half-hearted Google search and a 10 minute discussion with ChatGPT), Tom Cruise has never done an ad for anything other than his movies. He’s never pitched a product. Not even in Japan. Not a rogue cologne. Or a wellness brand where you only learn to sprint better and or do your own stunts.
Honestly, I’m not convinced Tom Cruise (and yes, we’re only using his full name) has ever seen an ad in the last 30 years that wasn’t for one of his movies. I doubt he even knows what an Instagram carousel ad is. He might think “paid media” is a hit squad sent by Kittridge at this point. I know for damn sure that he is a human who as never looked at a Linkedin. I’m jealous of this ad-free zone that is Tom Cruise’s world.
But like some sort of Ghost Protocol, when your wife is in media, you sometimes get hooked up with sneak preview of a Tom Cruise movie. And that happened last night.
The film’s new popcorn bucket, requires you to connect two plastic keys because apparently, eating popcorn is more of a side quest. Mr. Tom Cruise teaches us that nothing is easy, not even your popcorn. Have you seen how that man eats popcorn? It’s incredible.
I tried my best. I couldn’t even finish mine. Now, I’m not going to spoil anything about seeing this movie, at least not any more than all the marketing has done. But I will say two things about this 8th edition of the franchise.
First, this film will hold your damn attention for nearly three hours. That’s a feat. And I like this line from Variety, “In ‘The Final Reckoning,’ Tom Cruise is out to save movies as much as Ethan Hunt is out to save the world.” You are tense in almost every scene not knowing how they’ll get out of this one and the last stunt sequence is just crazy.
Is it the best one in the franchise? No. But it’s extremely watchable, and I say this as someone who recently watched a slower more mature Vince Vaughn in Nonnas and a Hallmark movie about walking the Camino De Santiago called Journey to You.
Second, to the people who couldn’t be bothered to stay until the end of the last scene or credits, you do not care about the stunts performed in this movie. Have some respect for Mr. Tom Cruise, he’s trying to save film for god’s sake.
But this isn’t a movie newsletter. It’s an ad newsletter. Here’s the real lesson for advertisers: Tom Cruise doesn’t fake it. He runs, leaps, crashes and clings for dear life to the edge of planes and buildings because he knows the audience can feel what’s real, even if they don’t know why that’s important.
Every stunt, every Tom Cruise sprint, is a reminder that how something is made matters just as much as the end result. In an era where AI can generate ten thousand headlines in a blink, Tom Cruise gives us a different blueprint: do it the hard way. This from a man that wants to do this into his 100s. As we see later there is more AI on the way and I’ve seen at least one agnecy this week annouce their new AI production company.
The wave of AI is slowly crashing over us, and you have to be more Tom Cruise at all costs. Do it the human way. Sweat the details. Obsess over the timing. Risk something. Because real connection doesn’t come from automation, it comes from craft, from guts, from someone showing up and saying: I’ll do it. I’ll jump.
As scary as "The Entity" in Final Reckoning
This non-launch is what happens when two guys are in a very expensive compliment off that more about exchanging billions of dollars.
Will this result in some sort of device that changes culture like the iPhone? Maybe? Or is Jony Ive without Steve Jobs like the Toronto Maple Leafs in the playoffs. One take that seemed to make sense to me was that, “this is like when Lebron joined the lakers but for nerds.”
Yeah, sure, they won one championship in 2020. But it’s not been a dominate run unless you enjoy Lebron downing $1,000 bottles of wine on Youtube.
Ad History: An Ad Tribute to George Wendt
This week, we raise a pint to the incredible George Wendt, the man who made barstool wisdom an art form and turned "beer" into a real cultural touchstone for generations.
The actor who spent 11 seasons as the beer-loving Norm on Cheers, died peacefully at home at the age of 76 on Tuesday May 20th. It’s no coincidence over 80 million people tuned in to watch the final episode of Cheers on that same day 32 years prior. You can’t script things like that.
Wendt was built to do beer ads. He was the ultimate beer spokesman, delivering quips as refreshing as the beer he ordered on the show. But before we get to that, we have to go deep into beer storytelling brand land.
Peter Hand was a Prussian-born Civil War vet who opened a brewery in Chicago in 1891. In an incredible move of branding originality, he called it the Peter Hand Brewing Company. Its star beer or as this creative notes “The beer” (Meister Brau) became a local favourite that even survived Prohibition.
In 1965, new owners renamed the whole company Meister Brau, Inc. and they went national. The real breakthrough was their Meister Brau Lite. This was first legit light beer, not just a watered-down version. While they made great beer, they didn’t not make money. Side note: If you make beers that looked like the Peter Hand version above, it would go gangbusters right now.
By 1972, the company sold off most of its brands to Miller. Miller kept Meister Brau around but took Meister Brau Lite, slapped their own name on it, and launched Miller Lite changing beer and beer advertising forever.
The original Meister Brau hung on as a full-strength sidekick until Miller quietly killed it off in 2005 (I’ve never wanted a beer brand Neon more than this). And that’s where Meister Brau and George Wendt collided in an explosion of pure 1980’s marketing genius
Long before beers had fancy tasting notes, or fruit in them, Meister Brau had George Wendt and one simple message: if it’s cold and it’s beer, you drink it.
His portrayal reminded us that sometimes, the most enduring brand ambassadors are those who simply show up, day after day, with authenticity and heart. He was just a simple guy. And that tagline, Nothings Richer, Nothings Smoother is beautiful. Every one of these ads is a masterpiece in normal we can learn from today.
The great thing about George, was that he could sell any type of beer. Anytime. From Smithwicks to Molson and even Coors Light. The range is god tier.
In his 2009 book, Drinking With George: A Barstool Professional’s Guide to Beer he wrote, “I’m a simple man, I don’t ask for much. Give me a nice comfortable chair, a cool breeze, a ballgame on the radio and an ice-cold beer, and I couldn’t be happier.
Truth be told, if it came down to it, I could live without the chair. A cool breeze is nice, but it isn’t exactly mandatory for a good time. And there are plenty of times when I don’t have access to a ballgame.
But a world without beer? I don’t know if that’s the kind of world I want to live in.”
Last call: The Drink Cart Beer and a Shot
It’s fitting to go a little simpler in this week’s issue. I was just going to serve a pint, but that seemed too easy. A beer and a shot is something no one is credited with inventing. It’s not a cocktail, it’s more of a working-class ritual.
The kind of thing that is passed down from shift to shift after the end of a long day or week. It’s something no bartender or self-proclaimed mixologist can refine or make any better. Just a beer, a shot and the unspoken understanding that some days need something simple, strong and right to the point.
That seemed like a proper and fitting tribute for George Wendt, the ultimate beer spokesman, and probably something everyone in advertising could use about now.
Here’s the recipe:
1 cold tall can of the most generic lager you can find. Or a pint if you’ve hit the pub.
1 oz of whiskey straight up of your choosing.
No garnishes.
Drink it.
Drink Cart Approved™ agency bonus discussion topics
You can’t imagine the saying the Toronto Maple Leafs have in their media room.
Line of the week: “Justin Bieber looks like Willem Dafoe starring in a Jamiroquai biopic.”
These are the second and third wildest headlines of the week: “Monkeys are kidnapping babies of another species” and “An asteriod is the size of 12 and a half fully grown gorillas.” Discuss.
The Drink Cart is your weekly fuel for pop culture brains and ad junkies. A cocktail of ad insights and hot takes that feel like you’re hanging at your favourite dive bar after launching your latest campaign.
Best quote of the newsletter “how something is made matters just as much as the end result.” So true!